Archive | May, 2012

i like how the title is optional

27 May

i think its beyond bizare to findout exactly how someone else feels.

i read what a friend had to say about me, and it just doesnt seem to add up with how i view myself OR how i view our relationship.

a.) i would think recognizing when one’s self is being overtly judgemental would be…well pretty obvious, i can be extremely judgemental, but the last few times when ive been with my friend, i try to make sure there are plently of laughs and nothing too serious to talk about

b.) im completely losing my ability to communicate with anyone. i dont even tell my boyfriend about serious contemplating ive been doing…careerwise, school; and than for my friend…..

i just dont understand how everything is so complicated when there are plenty of words in the English vocabulary and tons of time to actually discuss something face-to-face.

why cant we just sit down and talk out all the problems weve been having? instead of letting them build and build, until it seems like we cant even find each other anymore

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dysphoria

26 May

My reflection in the mirror betrays the
Truth that my mind has continued
To conceal.
Two different bodies
Two different reflections
(one illusion, one real)
Stored inside
The same vessel.
A mere mortal.
I am fractured in half.
How can I reconcile
What the eyes see
With a heart and a mind grasping at
Something completely constructed, an image,
Unknown to the physical world.
The reality sinks in…
Further
Seeping into the depths
Of my soul.
Where does my truth lie?
In the mirror
Or
The person inside?

who have i become

23 May

Who have I become?

I send you a simple message,

No response.

I drive by your house,

And the place where your car should be

Is empty.

And I feel a tugging at my heart,

What did I do wrong?

I cannot believe how this connection is only

One way.

I’m far too gone in my emotions.

Isolated in my temporary room

Left to think:

Maybe, just maybe, if I had just shown up that one time you were alone,

Become your confidant,

Than I would still  be a fixture in your life.

(not an obsolete object, or rather a remnant, dust covered, filled with past memories)

I have become childish in my need for

 affection.

Reassurance.

Friendship.

I am relentless in search of a place,

Where I can belong.