Archive | September, 2012

right now as i …

29 Sep

right now as i sit in the local hipster coffeeshop (and YES i mean hipster as a compliment for once) drinking jasmine iced tea, with some kind of acoustic female singer playing over the speakers with apparent sadness YET gentle hope in her voice,

I just can’t open one of my multiple textbooks. Or even bring myself to look at Stats homework.. (And this is coming from the person who is ever so slowly becoming a Stats geek)

myplans for the day are thwarted. coffee+tea+funlocation=????? success?

youknowbecause gas costing 3.87 a gallon apparently is a joke to me….

The good news is I am finally putting myself out there. I joined a LGBT leadership program on campus that is lead by a hot butch and has a some pretty awesome gay guys in it. 

unfortunately, everyone thinks Im straight. apparently when one is bisexual, straight vibes are naturally the only ones picked up by the gay community. 

Im also justifying the above reacton with the fact i dont even like being bisexual. long story short i am in a straight monogamous relationship , and i really do love my boyfriend, he is my bestfriend, but im just going through my questioning phase again if whether or not i want to be with him. ( A 4 year process by the way) USUALLY this ends with me just stop thinking about the situation entirely until a few months later when my brain won’t let me.

Im very sure it has something to do with me not liking the answer. that i shouldnt be dating him at all anymore but I just rather not change, do life alone or admit to myself I’m alot gayer than what i want to be. 

on another note, i feel like im scaring off a potential friend because i have an awful crush on her…which is extremely weird (and wrong) for me because Im in a relationship. she is my friend’s roommate so she tends to just want to hangout around us. and last time i swear she was trying to cuddle me….



i think my prob…

7 Sep

i think my problem with blogging has to do with a few things.

1.) i feel like i over analyze what i’m trying to convey. my emotions/thought processes because i know this is out there for anyone to stumble upon and read…which is mostly a no-go.

2.) then i just feel like compared to ALL the people I follow, my problems/issues are so insignificant.

and yet, i still love blogging. i love writing and being able to think through certain parts of my memories and what has made me the person i am today.

i  have realized the entirety of my lameness BECAUSE for university I’ve been typing out ALOT of my feelings. and as soon as i get lost in my writing i’ll look at the clock and the outcome….and realize i’m kinda proud of myself. that i can write out my problems/experiences and look at a certain aspect of myself and not quickly judge and berate myself NOR praise myself for making such wonderful conclusions. (ah, the life of an anthropologist..)

also, 2nd week of school and i’m continuing to make my “free time” books a priority.

currently reading:

Whipping Girl

Queer History

i love being a geek. ❤

i like how

2 Sep

i post something to make a statement political/ personal and i get the response that its not appropriate for facebook. apparently saying that your queer and having a picture of two girls kissing is offensive…..

my family is great. i rather they actually say they hate gay people to my face. 

even better it was probably my creepy uncle who said it….(ya they have a joint account) everyone knows he watches lesbian porn. creep.