Aside 28 Oct

very typical of me. i have so much to rant about but no idea on where to start.

maybe with my friend who is MIA? well, in my life. to go from actually having conversations to ——-> nada.

extremely disappointing. but at the least proves that i am not the one who is constantly instigating this repetitive cycle of friends-to nonfriends. (and yet people wonder why i have issues with self-worth?!)

then the looming cloud of doom that is my financial aid status.

or maybe how my graduation date is nonexistent.

on the social front:

joined an  lgbt leadership group but have gotten close to noone nor have i made my opinions known

(an overwhelming majority in said group aka 4 individuals, dont even see the point in samesex marriage)

still havent made it to the actual lgbt group,  partly because their all too fabulous for me

———–No matter how lame this sounds i set goals for myself back in August for this semester and school year. I wanted to join various groups like the Muslim group, the peace group about Middle East issues, a bible study group, the lgbt group, the trans group. I wanted to put myself out there and make friends.  

I wanted to take 5 classes and magically get all As. I wanted to put myself back on track for graduating, even a year late. I wanted to do study abroad summer 2013.  (ya my lack of realistic goals isnt helping me)

And you know how depressing it is to realize that i havent accomplished any of this? and to even know goals like study abroad, months from now, have been ruled out because of GPA? 

Then my relationship for the first time since June has been “good.” we are actually communicating and spendingmore     timetogether. but it stilldoesnt feel right.

i always thought dating my best friend would be a complete win. right now all i can think is maybe sometimes you have a bestfriend for a reason, so why fuck with that…..

ending points i hate my gynecologist. i hate birth control. and next time imdoing bullet points for each topic because this bothers me.

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