Aside 17 Nov

im starting to understand why any psychologist would be worried about their patient(?) seeing more than one pysch at a time.

financial/practical reasons have pushed me into seeing another pysh, and while when all of this was occurring (3 appoints in one week) I was pretty unfazed, and now that ive had time to actually think about the both of them, how their different, w their the same; its confusing.

they both use similar methods and are easy for me to talk to. theyve introduced different ways for me to think about situations and on how to handle my anxiety. and really it is interesting for me to figure out myself in two different situations.

its just the second one i seen, right away made it clear her obvious dislike for my usual psych. and it seemed at times like she was trying to convince ME that she was better at her job….

also, she threw some of my thoughts into even more of a questioning state, which leaves me more anxious….like my sexual orientation is fucked.

i dont like when someone makes broad assumptions about me. that something so personal and confusing to me can be defined or explained by one event. like im simply reacting to one particular event and that none of my past feelings or thoughts matter.

she also put it out there that maybe i should just leave it alone, for now atleast.

but i dont want to and i cant.

counterpoint she brought up that maybe im focusing too much on how other people would react or how it would hurt them, and not enough on me..

i like my normal psych. i dont feel like….im making anything up for her. even though i did leave something out, so i kinda broke a promise i made to myself. honesty.

i really really hope that before christmas i get the multiple appointments out of the way and only have to see one. im seeing the second only so i can see a nurse practitioner about medication, which is on campus and free.

which i feel like my mom would be proud to know. after all, after my very first appointment, thats what she was hoping for and expecting.

i just dont want to take meds and hope they can magically fix me and my problems. i know they cant.

the good: i will be paying 30 dollars per session at my normal psych. compared to the normal 120. so my insurance isnt a complete failure….

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