i feel sorry for people that encounter me in the real world.
i mean i even feel sorry for the people who deal with my interrogations on facebook.
because when the conversation reaches a dead end, my anxiety pushes me to obsess over what could i have possibly typed that killed this virtual conversation.
(further proof of me being a pariah. i cant even virtually succeed at a conversation.)
so logical me sends another message that is bigger then the entire previous conversation explaining in a really disheartening manner that im just trying to meet people. to talk to.
im very sure that this is not what my psychologist meant by countering my anxiety with “confronting” people.
however, i am learning that i could have friends IF i didnt let my anxiety completely psych me out. and that i appraoch conversations with people in a way that isnt respected by society.
i ask straightforward questions because im interested in people. im interested in hearing about their experiences and how they interact with the world through their decisions, words, etc.
i made the mistake of LAST YEAR (see no progress) of trying to befriend someone in my Arabic class and I asked her more questions about herself and life, that had been previously presented in class. And she found me quite odd because for the rest of the semester, I was the person she avoided.
i just dont admire meaningless conversation. i get bored with asking and being expected to ask questions, like “how are you?” not because I DONT care about the answer but in all honesty were expected to say OK or good or fine. its just another trivial question. the words have no real meaning or intent of getting to know the other person and how they really are doing.
but apparently TO even get to the point of having a meaningful friendship, i have to play that trite game
colormeanew 
Screw playing that game. Boring people are boring and not worth your time. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I tell them, usually something along the lines of “pretty shitty, how bout you?” I don’t talk to most people because they simply aren’t interesting. And I don’t say anything when I have nothing to add. But I’m a weirdo, and I don’t care about having friendships for the sake of having a friend.
I’m not shocked by any of what you just said… really I do enjoy your honesty.
also, I did learn that I rather lead a semi-lonely friendless existence then deal with a “friend” whose constantly mean to me/ and doesn’t want to listen to me.
Good for you for dropping them. You don’t have to change to make friends. Any friend you have to change to make, is not someone you want to be around anyway. Keep asking real questions and trying to make real conversation, eventually you’ll run into someone interesting, and they might even have some real questions for you. The thing I keep telling people though, just as a general statement is, “don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” For instance, if someone asks my grandmother, “How are you doing?” They’d better be ready to sit down for an hour to listen to all the aches, pains, and medical stuff that she’s dealing with at that moment. I do wish that I had more people to talk to about real stuff though. Part of my problem is the extreme introversion that makes me need to get away from people a lot of the time.
I will do my best to hold onto the above advice because the day will come when the person I’m inquiring about will respond with something that is truly horrifying OR with something that I just can’t handle. (which may be worse depending on the situation)
Also, that makes me kind of sad. You need intense love and plenty of hugs. Being an introvert is pretty nice, I like to have plenty of space and time to read, unfortunately this is often misunderstood. But sometimes human interaction is good, especially when meaningful.
Oh, Definitely. Human interaction is a great thing. In limited doses. and yeah, I could use some love and hugs.
❤
❤ you too, darlin'
Khaidevon at gmail dot com
Journalism might be a calling for you; all of my friends who are journalists don’t dig small talk, either, and they like to get to the meat of a conversation. Curiosity is good.
thanks! for some reason journalist was never on my list for possible careers…
I hate the trite game myself, and apparently come across as intimidating when I don’t play it. BAH!
completely counterproductive: you do seem just a tiny bit intimidating and that’s just from your writing.
B’ohh.