And since it’s the 26th…

27 Dec

I feel inclined to post about the not so jolly.

I do love my family, but as with being a part of a family unit, there comes the negatives.

Christmas Day: my younger brother did this annoying thing again, (surprise!) lately he has been in this habit that when I’m around he tries to act all assertive and protective of me, which is supposed to be cute and endearing, but for me is just irksome. When it was time to drive my boyfriend home, my younger brother interjects with a, “why don’t i go along? So when you drop him off your not alone?” then on cue my mom agrees that I shouldn’t be alone and he should go with me.

MAYBE if the weather had been bad I would have agreed, but there was no snow or ice and despite what my parents think, the area my boyfriend lives in isn’t that bad.

I do not like people thinking that because of who I am, a girl, that I can’t do anything on my own. I do not need constant protection. I do not need a man  to take care of me. I do not need my younger brother always at my side “just in case.”

Then when I told my dad I was leaving he made sure to tell me to be careful, but before that   said something about how he was surprised I was going by myself….

Today: I was just disturbed by the things my mom said. I always try to tell myself that my parents, my family, they aren’t really that conservative. And then today happened.

Yes I completely walked into this one. In my opinion hair salons, are breeding grounds for gossip and ignorance. It’s like they are these uber gendered feminine places, that are the embodiment of some of the worst aspects of being female. (vain, superficial, bitchy) oh and ALOT of wasted time tends to accumulate…in these establishments.

My mom’s hair person (?) is pretty nice and she made my hair look and feel amazing, but towards the end I had to listen to her and my mom make fun of lesbian couple (said hair expert refused to be in her friend’s wedding because she “didn’t support the two of them getting married”) and bashing trans people. because apparently two females getting married is just oh so funny and trans people are just creepy. And then I just sat there and stared at them. Just listening to them and how…childish they sounded (and mean/cold/awful) it made me really sad and disgusted.

it makes me feel like I’ll never be able to have any meaningful relationship with my mom and possibly my parents. situations like this make me realize that maybe I did the right thing when I was 16, correction: the more convenient choice, to not tell my parents that I’m gay.

I’m just not sure. There are so many things that I want to say.

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8 Responses to “And since it’s the 26th…”

  1. (e)m December 27, 2012 at 4:33 am #

    Christmas for me ran the gamut. I had to deal with hearing homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, misogyny, rape jokes, and Christian Supremacy. So Hugs to you, if you want them. I know where you are coming from.

    And as far as coming out to your parents, there is no right decision, there is only what is right for you. You do not owe coming out to anyone.

    “The worst aspects of being female. (vain, superficial, bitchy) ”

    Those are not aspects of being female. I know a ton of vain, superficial and “bitchy” men. And using the term bitchy is a way to denigrate all women, because any woman who doesn’t fit the quiet, subservient role is declared to be a bitch. The purpose of the word is to keep women in their place. It would be a good idea to get out of the habit of using gendered slurs.

    Question. Is your brother trying to be protective, or is he looking for an excuse to spend time with you? Either way, his actions are wrong, and that patronizing, “women need to be looked after,” attitude needs to go.

    Anyway, Hugs if you want them.

    • colormeanew December 27, 2012 at 5:08 am #

      Ok i really need to address the part about describing women. Its not meant to say only women act this way, but rather to take some of societys main attributes prescribed to women and say this is fucked up. Yes women culturally are expected to be looks obsessed, gossipy..Womens magazines are a good example. And today i did witness bitchiness. Stereotypical bitchiness. Im not trying to be offensive but i cant explain away bad behavior

      • (e)m December 27, 2012 at 8:08 am #

        To clarify, I wasn’t trying to excuse their bad behavior. It really sucks that you had to deal with that stuff.

        I had a problem with Gossipy, vain, and backbiting, spiteful, passive aggressive behavior being attributed as an aspect of femininity or women in general, especially when these things are just as prevalent in men. Using the term bitchy also does this because it says that backbiting, spiteful, passive aggressive behavior is a trait of women. Society says that these are female things, but that is because society is sexist.

        What they were doing is inexcusable. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. It sounds like a really toxic environment.

      • (e)m December 27, 2012 at 8:26 am #

        And wow, Yeah, I am being pretty heartless and inappropriate for bringing this up when you are dealing with so much. I’m really, really sorry.

      • colormeanew December 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

        I dislike miscommunication immensely. I really do understand what you are saying…I’m just trying to write out exactly how I feel and this is it for me, so if the one place I’m going to be incorrect and awful it’ll be here.
        and your right about talking to my brother, I really should.

    • colormeanew December 27, 2012 at 5:18 am #

      And Im really sorry that the holidays werent better for you. Out of all of what you had to listen to….rape jokes…thats pretty awful. I don’t understand why a time that is supposed to be joyful involves so much negativity. *hugs*
      My brother probably is just trying to spend time with me as well but he makes other comments that indicate he truly feels like Im completely helpless..

      • (e)m December 27, 2012 at 7:46 am #

        I didn’t bring that up to talk about me, just to tell you that I understand.
        Your brother really needs to stop doing that stuff. Have you talked to him about how he’s making you feel? Hugs.

  2. ARyan January 4, 2013 at 1:16 am #

    I came out to my parents in a letter when I was 18. I sent it after my first semester of college. Once I knew that they knew I didn’t want to talk about it, but I did to be nice. I’m blessed that my parents are supportive and not bigoted, but I did not know how they would take it before I told them. Of the people I talk to on a regular basis they are the only ones I haven’t told yet about the fact that I’m dating men (I came out as lesbian at 18 to them and prior to that had come out as bi at 16, but never told them). I know they won’t care, but it is almost as odd of a conversation to have with them.

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