See I really really really try to avoid the

23 May

See I really really really try to avoid the hell out of posting.

1.) I don’t have much worth saying


2.) who would really care what I have to say about anything? (correct response: no one.)

And now I’m becoming one of those awful people always talking about their relationship.

So here’s the basics:

I love my girlfriend. 

We’ve been together officially for a little teeny bit  over two months now.

We had our first fight yesterday.

I thought  (and she thinks) everything is peachy keen.

HOWEVER, *key the dramatic music*

All is not well.

Maybe I’m just feeling extra bitchy, maybe I am indeed a bitch, and maybe just maybe…there is stuff she -the gf- is NOT getting.

Fights/ arguments for instance are not about “winning.” Their essentially rooted in emotions and a bigger issue, even something as simple as miss-communicating. These can for th positive help develop better communication skills and… should I say it? 

BY having fights…or taking away something positive from them means: learn to compromise, change/evolve/ grow from errors, and realize what is and what is not working in said relationship. (Honestly, had a MUCH better monologue in my head then this…more convincing too)

Currently I’m worried that maybe she doesn’t realize how much work actually goes into relationships. I’m worried that once she does it will be OVER. I’m worried that maybe we are TOO different for each other and that it can’t work…

While I quit on a fairly regular basis in areas like my life, like school, for relationships I feel the exact opposite. After all, I was with my X for 4 and a half years; through plenty of unsavory fights and conversation, some abuse, and general unhappiness. (Hmm like being very very gay in a straight relationship…)

But especially with  her I just want it to work. I want us to work. I want her to keep trying. If there is anything she wants me to change about myself that is…negative/rational I would fucking do it. So let’s see if she is willing to put in the effort…


3 Responses to “See I really really really try to avoid the”

  1. (e)m May 23, 2013 at 4:57 pm #

    Good luck. I hope your relationship survives.

  2. butchjax September 30, 2013 at 7:52 pm #

    I’ve been blogging for…more than a decade at this point. And you know, not many people read my blog. But it’s incredibly useful for me as a person. I get to work on communicating, on opening up in a safe way, and for the friends that read it, it helps them know me better. I also use it as a teaching tool. You read other blogs because you like to learn about other people in their own words I would guess. Well, you can do that because people blog without any concern over whether there is another person reading it. 😉

    Write. You are of value. Your life matters. Writing about your life, even with no readers, helps you get to the point where you can find the value in your life and in you.

    You know, when you study anthropology, you aren’t studying only the people that others deem important. You study the common person. The bones you study may be of a person who felt just like you do (or did when writing this). They may have felt like just any old person, without much purpose or value. They may have also found other people more interesting than they assumed anyone found them. But now they are a critical piece in our understanding of history! You have no clue how your words will affect someone, how much good you can do by simply telling your story.

    • colormeanew November 18, 2013 at 8:12 pm #

      thankyou so much for your thoughtful response. 🙂 honestly it has made me rethinking blogging….and your comment has made me feel better in general since you posted it nearly two months ago. so simply thanks for reminding me that writing is important even if its just for myself

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