Archive | October, 2013

fail.

29 Oct

over 48 hours without smoking and i ruin that too because Im being petty and self hating.
i hate smoking. i wouldn’t recommend it to anyone ever not even as a one time deal. Smoking started that way for me. I feltĀ  alone and sad with nothing better to do fast forward 6 years later and here i am again alone and sad sitting on a front porch in a city that isn’t mine in front of a house that isn’t mine seeing how many i can smoke till i cant handle anymore. except maybe this is worse because its a bitter fall “morning” and Im insulting myself from the person i love most.
maybe one day i will rid myself of this habit and break the cycle of being alone when there is nothing i want more to be loved and to love .