I’m not sure how others experience and perceive this world but for me everything:every word thought action is tainted with sadness self hatred loneliness and this hurt that never seems to quite go away.
I feel broken. And my mind doesn’t seem to work right. I could actually be happy or feeling ok but in a second one thought or worry completely destroys this for me…
Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I cry? Why can’t I feel loved and worthy of it?
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colormeanew 
Oh dear, that does sound like depression. I hope you can get the help you need to tame it.