Archive | October, 2014
18 Oct

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New addition to the cat family. 🙂
Little Roo. She was found outside and technically the ones who found her didn’t/couldn’t care or keep her.
Sooooo cat#3
4-5months old and by far our healthiest kitten. Loves to cuddle and the best part being, Roo and Stitch already have a relationship where they will play together.

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This is a happy time compared to all the other junk going on.

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Vent vent vent

3 Oct

Disclaimer: to justify all of my angsty, ventyness, bleh this is my personal life and reflection; try to withhold judgement please
I never thought at 23 I would feel like such a damn mess; physically that is. I had mono a few months ago and now I’m having more problems that have to do with my throat/esophagus/ stomach. Most days I either am extremely tired or it takes very little to make me tired. Everything hurts. Eating makes me nauseous and it just hurts.
My primary dr refuses to see me. And in comes the stress associated with getting medical advice….and the anxiety of classes. ((Yes actual anxiety like i have physical affects from my anxiety thinking about class, let alone when im trying to step foot into the classroom))And with K’s mental health problems. Money issues. My brother and his disconnect from reality. Etc etc etc. (((I feel like my health and personal “woes” arent even worth justifying my less than stellar academic performance. I mean….its my life and I dont even think it sounds reasonable enough to interfere with school)))
However urgent care had a PA that was far better than most of the doctors I’ve seen recently.  I mean she spent more than 5 minutes with me, listened, and threw a bunch of possible theories at me, and FINALLY  did some tests.

And there’s more: voluntary in patient quest looming in the future with K and I don’t trust psychiatry. ..institutions or doctors. I feel like with her sets of problems they would try to keep her for weeks or months and I do not think that would be good at all for K.
And I used to be one of those people, mere months ago, that scoffed at the family and spouses of persons with mental  illness whining about how hard it is on them.
The truth is, all of this is hard. Its difficult to separate K when shes grounded and very much herself and K whose overly paranoid or the K with episodes of which she diesnt know what she says or does.
Its difficult being the person between her and a psych ward. K’s only support system. And its even worse when her doctors her psychatrists, do not listen and tell her if she’s taking whatever pills  they prescribe, all of psychotic features will vanish.  And if those problems persist its because she must be doing drugs, not taking them, or something. But the pill is always the winner and can never do wrong.
So I rant here sometimes to try and make some sense of my life because I have this, K, and our cats.
My family was worried enough about me today.
My friends…..not there//non existent
And this is my life.