Tag Archives: relationships

Personal Update-Not fitting in

7 Mar


So I have recently discovered I need to blog to save my remaining sanity or to regain sanity!

I ended up back home with my parents, aunt, brother, grandpa etc

I would NEVER recommend this to anyone (not even an enemy…) unless it was really necessary aka you will be homeless now or in the immediate future

Don’t do it to please your family, think that you could help them out, WHATEVER

Seriously it is my wife and I, and our 3 beautiful cat babies confined to a single room that neither gets enough heat in the winter OR enough cooling in the summer….

Originally the plan was to move an hour south to Kalamazoo to finish my degree at university, we had the housing lined up, the apartment number in hand


Then I had sneaky doubts and guilt…I hadn’t lived with or near my family in 5-6 years…I was missing out and certain person(s) were having health issues..

I THOUGHT i could live at home and help out when they needed me and peace (or indifference ) would reign supreme….oh the naivete

SO now I’m commuting a minimum of 4 days a week to a university that is 35 minutes away and well….not living the dream.

From my current location I have to drive 20-25 minutes to the closest chain coffee shop and pretty much everything is like that….I have a doctor’s appointment 20 minutes away….need to go to the grocery store another 20 minutes

I do not have much privacy at home nor do I have a place to do homework….

which has led to increasing trips BACK to my uni to do homework for hours on the weekend OR to coffeehouses, especially one that has a bottomless mug gimmick attached to it, while increasing hostilities grow at home…..my mom resents me being gone so much while my dad thinks I have serious cash because we are gone so much (far from the truth)

ONE example (because there are many)

I do errands, clean up after myself, run errands for my mom sometimes multiple times almost always out of the way…..obviously we do our own laundry, and my wife does chores as well around the house. Other examples: Over the summer when we were packing to leave our independence….apartment….. we helped clean and ready my family’s house for an appraisal then months after that we helped close the pool….

Yet for some reason, my family thinks we do nothing and we don’t get the satisfaction of hearing a simple “thank you” very often at all….

and there are others living there for free way past the expiration of needing to live there but i constantly feel singled out and my wife does to, yet there are no defined rules on what we need to do….

TYPICALLY right now I would go on a rant about my brother and how he didn’t help for the house appraisal or the pool closing, and any chores he says he’ll do typically fall to my wife for completion but…oh well right, why even keep on that train?

The bottom line of my journey so far….I have learned I will never live up to my family’s expectations nor do I even want to try anymore. The standards set for me are infinitely higher and the expectations are never ending from any given  individual person like my mom or dad, to my aunt or grandpa. I can’t please everyone, especially NEVER at once….

I mean realistically folks, how I can I live up to standards and expectations that are constantly on the rise, with a people who are NEVER happy or even satisfied with what I do?!

SO yeah I’m stressed. my wife’s stressed, the cats are oblivious, and I might need inpatient soon. YAY adulthood.



19 Jun

Early tomorrow morning I am venturing to my psychologist’s office but not to see my psychologist. Im getting tested for a personality disorder.
So woohoo…
I leave for the UK next Sunday afternoon. And Im starting to panic about packing leaving being gone for a month. Oh and most importantly the anthropology part of the trip. The…looking at bones and figuring out new terminology. Going to work at the museum of London with people ive never met. Spending time with my roommate i barely know. And leaving behind my gf and trying to figure out communication and trust.

life lesson

21 May

Relationships are hard.

Their composed of compromises, jealousy, resentment, and there is pretty much always room for improvement. 

So on to the happy! Right?

Calm yourself….

I am totally a relationship girl. I enjoy  the commitment, the conversations, the cuddles.

But approaching the first “real” fight….it’s scary to think that the other person may not be as relationship savvy, like my girlfriend…

I don’t appreciate the interference and bitchiness from outsiders; if your not family or a close friend why should I give a fuck about your opinions?

Especially when you, said person, have ulterior motives at stake?

Personal Goal in Life: try not to care or mind the petty bitches.

But at the same I need respect and understanding. Even “non-relationships” and open ones have boundaries so why should this monogamous one be so difficult to comprehend….

For the happy: new laptop!!! well tablet…and I will be London bond in one month and 9 days 




right now as i …

29 Sep

right now as i sit in the local hipster coffeeshop (and YES i mean hipster as a compliment for once) drinking jasmine iced tea, with some kind of acoustic female singer playing over the speakers with apparent sadness YET gentle hope in her voice,

I just can’t open one of my multiple textbooks. Or even bring myself to look at Stats homework.. (And this is coming from the person who is ever so slowly becoming a Stats geek)

myplans for the day are thwarted. coffee+tea+funlocation=????? success?

youknowbecause gas costing 3.87 a gallon apparently is a joke to me….

The good news is I am finally putting myself out there. I joined a LGBT leadership program on campus that is lead by a hot butch and has a some pretty awesome gay guys in it. 

unfortunately, everyone thinks Im straight. apparently when one is bisexual, straight vibes are naturally the only ones picked up by the gay community. 

Im also justifying the above reacton with the fact i dont even like being bisexual. long story short i am in a straight monogamous relationship , and i really do love my boyfriend, he is my bestfriend, but im just going through my questioning phase again if whether or not i want to be with him. ( A 4 year process by the way) USUALLY this ends with me just stop thinking about the situation entirely until a few months later when my brain won’t let me.

Im very sure it has something to do with me not liking the answer. that i shouldnt be dating him at all anymore but I just rather not change, do life alone or admit to myself I’m alot gayer than what i want to be. 

on another note, i feel like im scaring off a potential friend because i have an awful crush on her…which is extremely weird (and wrong) for me because Im in a relationship. she is my friend’s roommate so she tends to just want to hangout around us. and last time i swear she was trying to cuddle me….