cultural anthropology and gender

lately ive been reading blogs by transgendered(?) individuals, articles in mainstream magazines The Rolling Stone-Laura and a previous in a previous article of Marie Claire about a MTF, dissecting the book Whipping Girl, and just overall being obsessive about something that doesnot pertain to me at all. 

THEN i realized somehow (a BIG one at that) i have to combine my love for my wonderful Anthropology and a passion for gender identity. 

For me it’s particulary strange because i personally have a dislike for gender. growing up as a middle child (i know…right, my jan moment) in a conservative household that prized male children over me the second girl…just leaves a bad feeling. ive always felt that my family has always wanted me to be a certain way…the typical girl thing but that was always my older sister. while anything i was truly interested in would get passed on to my younger brother. (yes dad you let me down a few christmases ago…i didnt want some cutsey movie, i like my geeky action movies please and thankyou….or things with flowers on it…or neon….)

in short i am slowly becoming one of those people who “hates labels.” stop defining me as a girl. or white. 

i guess thats why i am getting learned on gender and absolutely fascinated by it. i dont like these stereotypes and assumptions imposed on me.very few people actually see me for who i really am and it just hurts. and anthropology basically provides a fair equal ground for everything and everyone. noone is better. and its actually good and encouraged to learn as much as possible about peoples and cultures; to encourage dialogue and debate. 

5 year old me would be so happy even though im not going into the paleoanthropology junk…

im caught betwe…

im caught between worrying about him and knowing what i did was right; inevitable. 

i still love him. i care about him. and i hope he seriously will get the help he needs for suicidal tendencies and anger issues.

i cant be fix him

problems

my boyfriend is in jail. my boyfriend is in jail because i called the police. i cant believe this shit. i cant believe he pushed me. or any of it. he needs help and i cant do it

making a new fr…

making a new friend really puts things into perspective.

i realize that i dont have to force myself to be someone im not or that i have to censor my thoughts or worry about judgement.

its also shown me that you know what i deserve to have good people in my life and to be happy.

i deserve to have a friend who actually gives a shit about me instead of a friend who is never there when i just need someone to talk to.