That Concession Speech, HRC, and all the Feels

So imagine this, today I sit hunched over my laptop typing away at an effort to make sense of this US 2016 Presidential election. Where am I you ask? Well my local Starbucks of course! I know I know, local is always better! BUT here me out: 1.) I am nearly broke with Starbucks gift moneys on hand 2.) Starbucks has quite recently changed their bathrooms from the binary “men” and “women” to unisex/either or; who knew the bathroom fiasco could have been fixed so easily and quickly, am I right??
Recently, as in 30 minutes or so ago, I finally conceded and listened to Kaine and HRC give the big concession speech.

My most prominent reaction would be this: what a classy lady, Queen Bee of my heart.  And also the silent tears that kept on rolling down my face as I was driving and listening to HRC speak…..

My heart feels broken. I’ve felt this slow pain and deep hurt buildup in my heart since late election night, when the results were not looking as hopeful as others had predicted. So around 11:30pm I got in my car to drive….and kept driving because driving makes me feel like I have some semblance of control over my own life, like I can go anywhere and do anything and be anyone….

When others have outright said I’m just a sore loser or being over dramatic, all I can say is this:

I am an openly gay married woman

I am a person who is Autistic

I am tattooed

I am educated and an informed American citizen

I am constantly  silenced, ignored, and walked all over by friends/peers/family/etc.

I would not be crying if it were not for victors being so blatantly racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic….in fact when I watched a clip of Rachel Maddow being barely able to hold herself together discussing future VP Pence, I was realized my fears were completely vindicated and that I should infact be concerned and deeply worried.

HRC promised improvement and expansion on services for Autistic persons and their families, she spoke of having the backs of the LGBT community, she spoke of how receiving an education shouldn’t be such a heavy burden that weighs on the people my age (and those to come) simply because we are not rich and easy targets, she spoke of America as a safe haven and to take pride in our diversity….

To get past myself now, HRC was for the disabled, the Muslims, the immigrants, the Latinx, the working class, the women of our country.

I’ll attempt to wrap this up now by saying I am your ally, “the Other American” in the sense that if I see you being harassed on the bus for your hijab, I will step up and defend you, when someone spray paints “dyke” or “fag” on your car I’ll be there to hold you in your rage and sadness, I will not sit back and let the haters fill the void with their harassment and crimes. I will be there for you, because I love you and I stand by you as a fellow American and as a decent f***ing human being.

Real Rape?

So right now I’m stumbling through a piece on sexual harassment on the internet…..

At first I was very stubborn to this idea that sexual harassment online could be potentially harmful then I wondered….seriously I doubted the validity of any information that could come from this article that I’m reading for my Sociology of Gender class (I pretty much never question my professor or her authority; I mean she has a PHD and has read 100s of books on gender, WHO AM I TO QUESTION THAT?!?!)

AND then I wondered could perhaps my recent incident online be connected to SH?!

So I found an article that a “progressive left wing feminist” person on my friend list had liked on FB.

Essentially this “feminist” had liked a criticism of an article on rape and blurred lines, a particularly angry woman saying that the raped demographic in this article were not actually raped and could not nor should they cry wolf…obviously they hadn’t even been raped. 

Why would a self-proclaimed feminist woman from the 21st century buy into this crap one might ask?

Because the article itself was written by a woman (and with other women in mind from similar situations) that had technically not taken away consent but visibly did not want sex. No these weren’t one stand situations but rather with a well-established partner….

Perhaps I’m doing a poor example of describing this reaction/ criticism of the women and the actual article itself.

From my experience, in my first serious relationship that was a “straight” relationship because I was in fact with a hetero, cis male, this happened to me quite often.

I was not suffering from mere regret of having bad sex (as the critical woman stated) but rather I had an established friendship with my then boyfriend which then turned into a real relationship of which he knew me very well.

There were lets say…a dozen or more times that during sex my ex boyfriend noticed I was visibly uncomfortable and did not seem to want sex because of my facial expressions, body language, and lack of any positive words, sounds, etc

Sometimes he would even ask if we should continue….usually he didn’t care what my response was or if i even had one. good, bad, etc grossly enough I have heard the argument, “well I’m almost done so…..”

And it made me so mad that these feminist women of today were arguing that wasn’t a gray area, that couldn’t even be considered rape…..

I hadn’t given my continuous consent, sometimes I didn’t even know what I had wanted, nor did I have the time or space to decide my consent seemed to be decided for me.

Maybe this doesn’t seem like “real rape” to some of you as well, I can’t change that for you.

All I can give is my opinion, personal experiences and let it be known via some media that I have had sexual experiences that existed in a weird gray area, and at some points bled its way into a raped experience.

All I can say is that in the past, I was disempowered and my partner knew me well and would even realize when he was overstepping some boundary he shouldn’t have been….

Because yes I believe it’s completely possible for a partner to know you well enough to know you do not want sex and they shouldn’t push it.

End of story I actually reported this to FB to be reviewed because there was a woman saying that these women were lying about being raped and they were just dissatisfied with their sex lives and they shutup and stop complaining because it’s nothing like being raped. And FB did nothing….they supposedly reviewed my request and said well its not really hateful or sexist or anything…..have a good day! I even wrote them back saying they should not be tolerating sexism, discrimination, and making rape into a punchline

I never report to FB either. But I would do it again.

Is not rape about consent and power folks? Is not rape that can happen to anyone in any context? IF A SPOUSE can be raped, than how is this too not an example of rape?

what is REAL rape anyways?!